I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
