We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize