Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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