She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
