You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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