You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize