i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She told me I should be a condom model.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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