I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize