you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
