you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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