marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize