Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize