WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
