I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
