well I can't set my house on fire every night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
