i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
