You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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