I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
