I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Mom said you looked used
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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