Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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