my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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