I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize