i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize