The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
People in love make me want to vomit
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
