I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
