I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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