she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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