when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
