we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
