never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
