For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
