Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
