Jerry, you need to find god
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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