i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
MIDGETS
????
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
