Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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