Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize