you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
