don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
