WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
