I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All the doctor said was why
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
