He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
