LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
