Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
