My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Too much gin, very little bucket
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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