you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
