Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
