I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
