Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
