some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
