I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
