went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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