i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
