I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Still dying that you shit outside
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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