And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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