The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
