Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
