His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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