Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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