my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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