Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You took a bar mat shot.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
