Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I stole a fireplace last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
