What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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