we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
