they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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