Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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