I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize