Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
