We named our party play list daddy issues
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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