she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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