OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
