We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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