it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
